Recruiting has its rewards but it also provides several stress-inducing headaches. Recruiters are often under pressure to fill job openings quickly, especially for critical roles, leading to tight deadlines and a constant sense of urgency. Managing a large influx of applications for multiple job openings can be overwhelming and challenging to handle efficiently.  Some positions require niche skills or experience, making it challenging to find qualified candidates, leading to frustration and stress. Balancing the needs of different hiring managers and departments, each with unique priorities, can lead to conflicting demands and stress. And my personal favorite, when candidates reject job offers or drop out during the hiring process, recruiters might feel disheartened, especially after investing significant time and effort. It is during these trying times that a brief moment of silent meditation can be beneficial, conversely, a polite lambasting of your superiors, clients and co-workers can be equally cathartic. Of course, there are obvious risks with that type of therapeutic response. Fortunately, I have a remedy that will help you evade the notice of HR, reprimands from your boss and possibly endear you to your clients. Its quite simple really and immediately actionable should you need it now.

Imagine this scenario, a client contacts you and complains that they did not receive a package. You know for a fact that you have sent the items ordered and suspect that the client is attempting to swindle your company. However, you cannot prove it and their business is essential to your enterprise. This is how I suggest you handle things. Simply reply with a carefully worded, polite, and professional email. Here is an example.

Re: Missing Shipment Inquiry

Dear Favorite Customer,

I hope this email finds you well! We sincerely apologize for any inconvenience you may have experienced regarding the missing shipment. We understand the frustration this may have caused and are committed to resolving this issue amicably.

Upon receiving your query, we conducted a thorough investigation into the matter. According to our records, the shipment was dispatched on July 1, 2023, and was assigned tracking number #XYZ123. Our shipping department has provided evidence indicating that the package was successfully delivered to the specified address on July 5, 2023. However, we acknowledge your claim that you have not received the goods.

To ensure a fair and satisfactory resolution, we have initiated an internal review with our shipping department manager; regrettably, they are currently on vacation, which has caused a slight delay in the investigation process. Rest assured, as soon as our manager returns on July 20, 2023, they will personally oversee the matter and provide us with a comprehensive report.

In the meantime, we kindly request your patience and understanding. Our commitment to customer satisfaction is unwavering, and we are determined to rectify the situation promptly. Should any additional information or details arise during our inquiry, we will promptly update you…

If you have any further questions or concerns, please don’t hesitate to reach out to our customer support team @NYC office – 123-456-7890 or @PA office 234-567-1010. We value your feedback and aim to ensure that you have a positive & pleasant experience with our company!

Thank you for your cooperation and understanding throughout this process. We look forward to resolving this matter to your satisfaction and restoring your faith in our services.

Best regards,

Jim Stroud
Customer Relations Team
ABC Company Limited

While appearing to be a polite and professional response to an issue, it is quite the harsh rebuke once sufficiently decoded. If you equate each punctuation mark with an insult, the email will read quite differently. Consider this cipher.

· Period =  [you dimwit]

· Comma = [you idiot]

· Exclamation mark = [you think I’m stupid?]

· Colon = [how ignorant can you be?]

· Semicolon = [your stupidity is awe inspiring]

· @ = [you simpleton]

When you read the email now with this code in mind, the email being sent is much more gratifying for the frustrated sender; in this case – you.

Re [how ignorant can you be?] Missing Shipment Inquiry

Dear Favorite Customer [you idiot]

I hope this email finds you well [you think I’m stupid?] We sincerely apologize for any inconvenience you may have experienced regarding the missing shipment [you dimwit] We understand the frustration this may have caused and are committed to resolving this issue amicably [you dimwit]

Upon receiving your query [you idiot] we conducted a thorough investigation into the matter [you dimwit] According to our records [you idiot] the shipment was dispatched on July 1 [you idiot] 2023 [you idiot] and was assigned tracking number #XYZ123 [you dimwit] Our shipping department has provided evidence indicating that the package was successfully delivered to the specified address on July 5 [you idiot] 2023 [you dimwit] However [you idiot] we acknowledge your claim that you have not received the goods [you dimwit]

To ensure a fair and satisfactory resolution [you idiot] we have initiated an internal review with our shipping department manager [your stupidity is awe inspiring] regrettably [you idiot] they are currently on vacation [you idiot] which has caused a slight delay in the investigation process [you dimwit] Rest assured [you idiot] as soon as our manager returns on July 20 [you idiot] 2023 [you idiot] they will personally oversee the matter and provide us with a comprehensive report [you dimwit]

In the meantime [you idiot] we kindly request your patience and understanding [you dimwit] Our commitment to customer satisfaction is unwavering [you idiot] and we are determined to rectify the situation promptly [you dimwit] Should any additional information or details arise during our inquiry [you idiot] we will promptly update you [you dimwit] [you dimwit] [you dimwit]

If you have any further questions or concerns [you idiot] please don’t hesitate to reach out to our customer support team [you simpleton] NYC office – 123-456-7890 or [you simpleton] PA office 234-567-1010 [you dimwit] We value your feedback and aim to ensure that you have a positive & pleasant experience with our company [you think I’m stupid?]

Thank you for your cooperation and understanding throughout this process [you dimwit] We look forward to resolving this matter to your satisfaction and restoring your faith in our services [you dimwit]

Best regards [you idiot]

Jim Stroud
Customer Relations Team
ABC Company Limited

In times past, I have found these methods of repudiation the source of great amusement in times of stress. Depending on the level of angst you are experiencing at the time, you may want to make your hidden rebukes more severe by adding choice expletives. No matter the words you use, keep the rebuke to yourself in order to avoid detection and maintain needed relationships in the workplace. Sometimes, silent revenge is best.